The Mess We Became
by Solitary Conspiracy
Summary: They haven't seen eachother in five years...a lack of closure can leave a messy trail. RoryJess
1. Funny in a Twisted Way

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **I hope more than you that this story doesn't flop. I really appreciated the reviews on my other story and I also wouldn't mind for more people to read and review there (as well as here) ;). Honest reviews appreciated above all.

**Disclaimer: **I think I own Amber…though I'm not sure really. I don't claim her to be exclusively mine, anyone can use her. I just invented her. So I guess I'll say I own NOTHING.

**Summary (kinda):**This is a future fic that takes place when Rory is 25. She lives in New York City and...well this is hopefully going to be decent length RoryJess fanfic. Everything on the show happened. All the major questions I failed to answer in this summary ,and I am sure there are atleast a few,will be answered throughout the story...hopefully. If there is something that you really don't get, feel free to question in your review. (I'm sorry if half that summary souded like a author's note.)

**:D Enjoy!**

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"I love you," he said and then slowly walked to his car. 

"I love you too Jess!" Rory yelled so he turned and looked at her. His eyes unsure of what to do now, apparently not expecting to her to say it back.

She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. It was true happiness, though in an unreal way. She couldn't put her finger on what it was, it seemed…too perfect to be real. Though, he was right there, it's real. She could feel his strong arms holding her, this wasn't some cruel hallucination.

The experience seemed vaguely familiar…though just vaguely. That's when a shrill noise threw her train of thought haywire and all disappeared.

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"Argh!" Rory was in a cold sweat. She didn't want to move. Actually she did; she wanted to slaughter her alarm clock. She wanted it to have a long, cruel death. That's when she remembered she could legally do so because it's an inanimate object.

"Ha." She got up and pounded her fist on the inconsiderate objectto shut it up. "Inanimate object. Ha. You stupid inanimate object…I bet you don't even know what that means! That's how stupid you are!Ha!" Her menial but quiet muttering to the clock quickly turned to ridiculously vicious yells at the alarm clock. She was now laughing insanely with a grin plastered across her face, eyes narrowed at her alarm clock. The cheap, electronic, and unpleasant box that she called an alarm clock was now being suspended in mid air by her. "Oh I've got you now! You little..."

Rory stopped immediately. As she grew up, she became more like her mother, which meant quite a bit of her sanity trickled away. Though, she felt she went a little over the top this time. She knew she'd crack eventually, all Gilmores did eventually...ordid her mom mean death? What did it matter anyway? One happens frequently and the latter will eventually. Sooner than later according to Luke's expertise analysis on her daily diet. She sighed and turned around and her expression was quickly transformed into one of horror and embarrassment.

There, in the doorway, stood Amber, her friend who she shared the rather small apartment with. It's not easy to not be heard here because of the close proximity of the four small rooms.Even though she was turned to the side so her wavy black hair covers her face Rory found it easy to tellthat Amberhad athoroughly amused look on her face as she leaned on the doorframe. Amber stifled a laugh and put on a look of feigned worry and said "The little men in white coats are your friends. Do whatever they say and I won't have to tell them about the attempted murder." She motioned to Rory, then the clock that Rory was putting down as she spoke. Rory looked sheepishly at the clock and Amber walked out in a fit of laughter. Apparently, she heard it all.

"Are you crazy?" Rory asked herself outloud. Well, she was talking to herself. "Probably."

Ouch. Something about the words stung her than it struck her. She hadn't thought about him forever...unless she was to count less than 10 minutes ago in her dream. She played andreplayed the dream over and over in her head, the shrilly annoying noises of the clock still interrupting her thoughts.

She beat her fist on the clock which, which shut it up and she sat there dwelling on the dream.Had she dreamt that for a reason? Was this what she should've done almost 5 years ago? No, it was only a dream. That's when she started repeating 'It's only a dream' a thousand times. For some reason Rory felt slighly unconvinced, she looked at her hands which had been clinging to his neck, then touched her back for maybe a sign that he had held her. She could still smell his wonderful scent in her nose. She hit herself with a pillow and recollected herself. "Get a grip Gilmore." She looked at herself in the mirror and scowled, "Also stop talking to yourself...starting...now!" She blinked at her reflection and plopped down on her bed once more.

Rory was smart, a Yale graduate really, so she knew that dreams can be your most subconscious thoughts. Dreams can be the best-kept secrets of the mind so did that mean…no. She stopped herself. No it meant that out in the middle of some far off region in her mind there was Jess. Besides, it's not like she asked him to be in there. Now she was just sounding damn silly. "Like you weren't before..." She realized she was doin it again. "Ugh!" Rory really needed to talk to someone that wasn't herself. She needed to talk to the woman from whom she got her last name...well one of the woman from whom she got her last name.

Rory looked at her clock, it read 7:45. She knew mom and Luke would be working and Peter would be at school by now though she dialed the numbers anyway. She could speak to the answering machine. It's pathetic though that's one step up from insane.

"Hello you have reached the residence of the once lonely spinster and her Lukey Pookie Pie! And you can't forget our Petey Weetie Poo! (Whining is heard from somewhere.) No, honey I didn't mean you're a piece of poo. Um…leave a message when the machine swears at you." -BEEP-

"Hey! It's me; sorry I haven't called for a while. I've been really busy with work. So I just wanted to say hi and call anytime. I hope you're good…I'm…good. I'll talk to you later, love you guys."

She and her mom always did dream analysis with some of their more vivid dreams though she thought this is something best not told.Most ofher imaginary scenarios for what her mom would say ended with her mom flat on the floor and Rory speaking into a dial tone. Rory felt mildly defeated. A cold shower…that's what she needed.

Amber saw Rory coming out of the bathroom with wet hair and grinned at her. "You're aware Hanson, your boss, the guy that has control of your work status, gets rather…what's the word? Oh yes, mad, when employees come in looking like wet dogs. I believe he says it 'diminishes the pro-'"

Rory glared at Amber, "Point? It's Sunday, my day off and have a no- " She stares at the wall for a second and then comes to realization, "Meeting! Oh no, I'm late! The meeting, it's in 5 minutes!"

"Glad you caught on! I'm guessing you didn't even think of why your alarm was on today…"

"Ugh! Alarm! Stupid!" Rory ran into her room, grabbed her jacket and ran out. Though, she ran back in and opened her window. Amber watched her confused though she snickered once she picked up the alarm clock. The clock went soaring and landed with a smash on the side of the road. They both chuckled at the look of the people passing by the clock.

"I was going to head to my boyfriends place anyway and you know I rock at speed-driving so save yourself the trouble of flagging down a cab."

"Thank you! This almost makes up for you being evil eighty percent of the time."

Amber smiled sweetly and exited saying "Why, whatever do you mean? Moi? Evil? Darling that is blasphemy!"

Rory tripped over her bookshelf on the way out of her room which earned a snicker from Amber. A small book fell out of the tiny, jam-packed shelf. She was about to pick to pick up a fallen book, but she was being shooed out of the apartment by Amber.

"The book will be there when you get back; if you are any later chances are you won't be back. Either that or you will simply be fired, unable to pay rent, and will be a homeless bum on the streets of New York because I found a new roommate with a steady income."

"Wow, I must've been some kinda sinner in my previous life…"

"I know about kicking dogs," Amber said with such grimness that they both needed to stifle laughs.

"Now all hope of redeeming my self is lost. Dear me," Rory said dryly.

Through their banter they had made their way to the parking lot. Time always flys when she's with Amber. She was a little bit of New York and a little bit of Stars Hollow even though she grew up in Vermont. The got into Amber's small, dark green car and she warned, "Buckle up partner! It's gonna be one hell of a ride!"

Rory is surprised by how Amber drives so idiotically fast and manages to never crash.She was more thankful for Amber's mastering of speed-driving now, more than ever; she was a city cab minus the dorky yellow car.She then thought of people who take precautions though still unavoidably crash. Fate is funny in a twisted way. Sometimes there might just be a cute, fuzzy thing in the way and your only choice is to swerve...that's when you end up hitting a pole...

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**A/N:** I have an idea of where I want this to go. I'm trying to find the most original way to introduce Jess into this though I have a storyline in my head though they are unintelligible to anyone but me. I'll try to update as much as possible. Honesty is appreciated in reviews (as said before) because I'm pretty new and learning how to improve is something I'm always welcome to. So please review. 


	2. Gone for Good?

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **If you are reading the second chapter I'm guessing you already read the first. So…insert everything from the first author's note here. If you haven't read the previous author's because you think it's below you to do such things please step off your throne and do so.

**Thank you all who reviewed! **I appreciate all the reviews and the praise, advice, and honesty given in them very much. You all deserve cheesy fries! Hopefully, I can make this chapter live up to the last.

**If my words mush together I'm really sorry. **I read this through about a hundred times before I submitted it though every time I correct something and save changes a couple of words mush together and once I corrected that some different words mush together and so on and so forth. I blame my computer because it can't stick up for itself.

**Disclaimer:** I own this disclaimer so don't even think about copying it. If you want rights to my disclaimer we can possibly work something out…for a price.

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"Ms. Gilmore you are late. The meeting started at eight, it is now quarter past. Please take a seat unless you would like to entertain us with a half-baked excuse, in which case we will humor you." Mr. Hanson was an intimidating man. He stared at Rory, waiting for her to either start a lame excuse or to sit down. 

Rory's voice was mildly shaky with nervousness, "I'm really sorry sir. I assure you it won't happen again."

He looked at her damp hair with sheer disgust. "I would think that being late you would at least look presentable. This diminishes…"

It sounded like quacking from their forward; she wished that being a book reviewer could simply mean reading wonderful books and writing up excellent reviews on them. The quacking was now directed at someone else. She imagined a duck sitting in that haughty leather chair and she had to bite her lip to suppress laughter. The man sitting across from her seemed to notice and rolled his eyes at the absurd young woman.

An hour passed and she sat their and nodded unintelligently when something was directed at her. Her boredom quickly sustained her and made her boss take his duck form again now for some reason, quacking with rage at the woman sitting to Rory's left. The duck was now waving its wing trying to shake what should be a finger. She pressed her hand across her mouth and giggled…which apparently went unnoticed by nobody by the looks on their faces.

Mr. Hanson, who has now taken on his human form again, looked down at his folded hands as if in prayer.

"Sorry, I was thinking of...ducks." Rory hoped the fact that no one would find ducks amusing unless they were in her head would help it go unnoticed.

"How amusing."

Rory didn't say a word for the rest of the meeting. She didn't even think she heard a word. This gave her time to think. Correction: This gave her too much time to think.

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"What's got your knee socks in bunch?" Amber said without taking her eyes of the television screen.

Rory locked the door and plopped next to Amber on the couch. "I turned Mr. Hanson into a duck." Amber clicked her tongue though asked no questions. "Aren't you supposed to be at your boyfriend's place?"

"I walked in on him and his boyfriend. They live together. I should've knocked."

"Huh." Rory got up and wandered to her room, she wasn't fazed the least by Amber's gay humor like she once was.

Rory looked at the mirror and saw how unruly her hair was looking. She picked up a hair tie pulled back her hair loosely and noticed her foot hit the soft cover of a small book that hadn't been picked up that morning. She reached down for the book and stopped.

She let out a sigh of grief and perused through the margin notes on the first page of _Howl_. As she flipped through the pages there was a certain feeling she was having that she couldn't put her finger one.

It wasn't love, definitely not. You can't love someone you haven't seen in five years and you can't love someone you can't…trust. Did she trust him at one point? Of course she did, though never again. Did she love him at one point? Sadly…though she's been over that for years.

Was the feeling happiness? No, it couldn't be, she really had nothing to be happy about at the moment. So maybe it was sadness…no, well yes she was sad…though there was something else.

The feeling came stronger; she then immediately knew what it was. It was a tiny bit of regret. It was just a regret of what she'll now never know, the unsure feeling that came with a lack of closure and how it could've ended differently, not so messily. With her boyfriends the break-ups were always soap opera style, though at least they had some type of closure…except with Jess.

To some, Jess leaving, coming back and leaving again, and then coming back and her sending him away could be considered closure. Though, most closures end with the two beings partaking in the closure being acquaintances. That's how it was with Dean and Logan after a while.

Now with Jess, there's this big opening that was messily covered up. That's all it was. Covered up, forgotten, and though not closed.

She wished she never dreamt about him, you are not supposed to dream about ex-boyfriends. If she never dreamt about him she would've thrown the book out the window. No she wouldn't, though it's nice to think she would. She would've placed the book in the shelf, deep in the shelf, and moved on.

Rory reached for the shelf, though she threw out her bedroom door she thought to be closed. Rory cringed at the "OUCH!" she heard from the living room. It was less than a second later that the book came flying back and landed full force on her face. She was glad the first book Jess stole from her was _Howl_ and not _The Holy Barbarians_, Amber and her would be sharing a room at the hospital if it was.

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"You need a guy, the last time you went on a date was like 2 months ago," Amber said casually as she cleaned a plate in the sink.

"2 months is not that long of a time and I don't need a guy," Rory said with an annoyed tone.

"I am very sorry. Need is the wrong word. Desperately could use; now you have to agree with me there. It doesn't have to be anything serious…if you don't want it to be."

Rory surprised herself that she was even thinking about. She really could desperately use a guy. This wasn't Stars Hollow, it was New York; she wasn't just going to run into her next love somewhere down the street, she had to the whole dating thing. Rory was always uncomfortable with the idea of going out with someone you barely know, though how do you get to know them if you don't. She didn't think this was a half bad idea.

Rory then noticed she was being carefully observed for a response in her expression so she spoke, "You…look like you have someone in mind…yes?"

"Why yes I do! Not that I'm setting you up or anything, that would be wrong…very wrong."

Rory raised an eyebrow at her prompting her to continue.

"He's a hermit though he dates more than you. I find him repulsive though he seems like your type because you're repulsive in a different way so I think you will contrast each other perfectly. If you want to know how I know him, it's the guy that fulfills my boyfriend's 'needs'. Though here's probably the best part for you, he reads so you can have a book discussion if things start sucking too much." Amber looked pleased at herself for finding this guy even though she had to look no further than her boyfriend's apartment. She once again searched Rory's face for expression, though when she found none.

Rory jokingly responded after some thought, "Are you sure Daren and the guy are both straight? The last thing I want is to have to witness two guys making out. And you can refer to your boyfriend as Daren because I know his name."

Amber scowled quickly and began talking again, "I'm sure you don't have to worry about public scenes even though you know it's hot. Besides, I already told Daren to tell his boy-toy you say yes."

Rory opened her mouth to protest though was cut off by Amber before she could begin, "Friday night, eight o' clock, we are double dating. Don't ask me his name because you already begged me to find you a date, then threatened me for information, and to top it all of, you didn't even check with me about the time of the date! Hmmph! Inconsiderate!" Amber smirked at Rory and closed the door of her room and yelled through the thin wood, "G'night dearie!"

Rory trudged to her room and changed then plopped onto bed and fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. She was unbelievably happy as she drifted off. She was rid of the horrid stench of this day and was even slightly looking forward to Friday night. She was glad to be able to move on like last night was a dreamless sleep.

**MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM**

"What's her name?" Jess asked robotically, not bothering to look up from his book.

"Rosie, Romie, Rollie…don't remember really. It starts with a R." Daren said as he opened a can of soda. He expectantly looked at Jess for an answer.

He thought about it for a second. "Are you serious, she reads?"

"She can write too!" Daren added sarcastically even though he caught the meaning of Jess's question. "At least that's what my girlfriend says."

"You can call her Amber, I know her name."

"So Friday night, eight o' clock, be tolerable. We're doubling and I told Amber to tell the girl you say yes. If the date sucks, just switch to book discussion mode." Daren walked to his room and shut the door.

Jess went to his room and lay on his back. These dates were his sorry attempt to move on. The girls he now dated weren't shameless and idiotic which was a step up from the girls he dated as a teenager…except one. Though, he knew that Rory Gilmore was gone from his life. She was a girl of his past. That's why it sickens him that he's still a little broken from five years ago.

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**A/N:** What do you think? Does this chapter live up to the last? HONESTLY, what do you think? I think the word mushing thing improved a bit though I'm not sure, I skimmed it a couple of times and corrected mushed words. 


	3. Hello Hallucination

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **I'm not going to repeat myself; everything I want to say has been said in the past two author's notes. Read it. Wow this was on dull author's note. Oh yeah I almost forgot…

**THANK YOU REVIEWERS! **Every single review makes writing so much more fun! It's so nice to know I kept your attention past the first chapter, really. Double cheese on every one of your cheesy fries!

**Also to answer a question** and clarify to anyone who had doubts: Jess and Daren are both straight and I especially wouldn't think of making Jess anything but completely so ;). That's just the twisty humor I gave Amber.

**Disclaimer: **Don't you think if owned anything I'd be helping out on the show instead of writing imaginary scenarios for a website?

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"Hello?" Rory answered her cell as she flipped through a couple of papers she got from work. 

"Hey daughter o' mine, I would've called as soon as I got your message though I decided against it." Loralei's voice rang through the phone, "I mean I'm thinking 'Hey, she'll be alive tomorrow, will she not?' So that's when-"

"That's when you woke up the next day, completely forgot, and had a weird type of amnesia for four days. By the fourth day you decided to clear out the answering machine and then, you had an epiphany! Something about listening to the messages and deleting them gave you a feeling like you should give me a call oddly. That is why you decided to give me a call to inform of this life-changing moment," Rory said in a bittersweet tone.

"I'm proud of your mind-reading capabilities. The saliva I saved saying that will now be well used…elsewhere," her mom said suggestively.

"Mom, seeing as to how you are now married to Luke, all my mental images are for worse," Rory responded disgustedly.

"I wouldn't get too disgusted if I were you." Rory hears her mom sigh on the phone and continue, "The facts that I am forty-one, have a little boy who just started pre-school, and am not Suzanne Somers tends to make a woman mellow out a little."

"Mom, you don't look a day over forty!"

"Ha-ha…Your hilarity makes me wants to dig myself a hole. Moving on, what's new in your life," Loralei said waiting for the usual response consisting of 'Oh you know, work takes up most of my time.'

"Well…I'm going on a date with some guy Amber told me some stuff about and set me up with in two days," Rory responded nonchalantly. All complicated events of Sunday that led to her phone call had left her mind and crawled back into the messy, open hole.

"You, Rory Gilmore? You're going on a blind date?" She was genuinely surprised by her daughter.

"No, me, Olivia Newton John…"

"Okay, okay, I get it…how do you know the guy? Oh sorry…very stupid question. What's his name?"

"Who's to know? A name is a mere name," Rory airily claimed.

"Well look at you! You finally found the perks to being in at your prime age!" Loralei tunefully squealed so loudly that Rory had to hold the phone away from her ear a couple of inches.

"I have to get back to looking at some papers."

"Goodbye my poshly daughter!"

"Not a word," Rory chimed as she hung up her phone and thought about all the possible types of guys that might appear at with Daren the coming Friday as she idly flipped through papers. She had a feeling that, maybe; just maybe, this date might not completely suck.

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"What's a four letter word for pain? I mean other than pain because I am very aware that pain is a four letter word…" Amber pondered as she walked into the kitchen where Rory was.

Rory shrugged and stared at the baron fridge, "No clue."

Amber shook her head and glared, "You're about as much help as a pin in the ass. Ahhh…" She suddenly brightened and slammed the newspaper down on the counter. "R-O-R-Y," she said and exaggerated the writing of the name in the blank.

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Rory watched as Amber emerged from her room with her cell tucked in between her cheek and shoulder. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Whatever. Uh-huh. Okie doke. Same here…Buh-bye." Amber hung up and dropped the phone on the chair. Rory looked at her slightly amused, though more curious.

"That was…?" Rory said raising her eyebrows prompting her to finish the sentence.

"My mommy!" Amber said grinning broadly.

"Oh, I thought that was Daren."

"I don't know about you though I think it would be best to at least pretend to show slight interest when I'm talking to my boyfriend." Amber paused and continued with a smile, "Though I did talk to Daren today, he gave some specifications about the date tomorrow.

"Since when was this, 'the' date."

"Well if I said 'our', it would seem like…you know. If I said 'a', it's a bit vague. That's why I say 'the' by default. Don't consider yourself special, you have nothing to do with the 'the'."

Rory considered this logic for less than a second and moved on. "So, he specified?"

"Yup, he said that he wants to meet at that club like six blocks down from her, longer for him I think. He didn't want to come here because he thinks two guys waiting at the door would look, to say the least, super-dorky. I definitely agree so I said okay, especially since it's a blind date for you, and blind date meetings at the door are kind of awkward."

"It's the number one source of one night stands or what men hope to be one night stands," Rory concurred.

"I bet you made that up, but it makes sense." Amber added the last part as an afterthought and furrowed her brows.

"That would be a statement true to many things."

**MVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM**

"Change your shirt," Amber commanded as she pointed to Rory's shirt then to her room.

"What's so bad about this shirt?" Rory asked confused. It wasn't her favorite though it's not like it was disgusting.

"Blind date does not mean your date is blind." Amber fast-walked into Rory's room and pulled out a light green blouse with rhinestones on the cuffs. "I do this out of love, change. You won't regret it."

Rory couldn't help but smile at Amber's bold and brutal honesty. It's nice to have someone who won't sugar coat things to spare your feelings…not that it's no nice to be told a lie for the purpose of flattery occasionally.

She changed her shirt and looked in the mirror. Rory had to admit the change was for the better. The fact that she was going on a date with a complete stranger was slightly unnerving now. She trusted Amber, from the one time she briefly met Daren he came off as a nice guy. They said this guy might be her type, and that will have to be enough to go on for now. She looked at the clock that read 7:45. Fifteen minutes to the date is much too late to wimp out even if she wanted…though she definitely didn't want to.

"Let's go," Rory boldly said to herself mostly though Amber heard her and nodded. Rory tried to ignore the build-up Amber gave this guy a couple of days ago. She often heard that expectations lead to letdown, so she let go of all previous expectations and just decided to enjoy the night as it came.

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"Here." Daren walked by Jess and slapped a piece of lemon in his mouth.

Jess spat the lemon out onto the counter disgustedly. "We have lemons for what purpose?"

Daren plopped the lemon into his own mouth and sucked on it for a couple of seconds. He held his hand to his mouth and sniffed. "That purpose," he said as he threw the dry lemon away.

"I'll tell you when I develop an acute case of halitosis, until then…" Jess flicked the lemon piece with his forefinger and thumb, "I'll maintain my dignity."

"Suit yourself." Daren took a last look in the mirror and opened the door to leave now that they would be about ten minutes late by the time they get to the club.

Jess grabbed his keys and closed the door behind them, not really caring for a last look that he would've fussed about as a teenager.

**MVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM**

"So this is the place?" Rory asked as she got of the cab and stared at the flashy red lettering that read 'Restless Eternity.'

"Yup, I've been here with Daren a few times. Pretty good music, you can get good food, and get tipsy if you please…" She saw Rory nod her head to convey the meaning of 'hopeless.' "Hey, I said if you please. Nothing about me; I'm not in the mood to get a hangover tomorrow morning…I think."

"Well, of course."

Amber entered and Rory followed suit. She never fully liked the ideas of night clubs and blind dates though here she was. A two in one, 'get over yourself you big wimp,' combo platter.

The place really was pretty cool. The music was pretty good and she saw some people eating large consumptions of junk food that made her mouth water. Rory snapped back to reality and remembered she isn't here to be a pig.

"Is Daren the late type?" Rory wondered after looking at her watch

"He never comes earlier than ten minutes late, never later than fifteen," Amber said as she drummed her finger on the table. "You look antsy," Amber added after seeing Rory fiddle pointlessly with a strand of hair.

Rory looked up about to say that she is definitely not 'antsy' as Amber put it, but Amber got up and walked to Daren who was now standing a few feet away from them. She kissed him quickly and strangely said, "Lemony." She then squealed, "Where is he!"

"Oh, outside paying the cab, it's what he gets for being the one to bring money," Daren responded nodding out the door where the front of yellow care was seen.

"Why did you take a cab? You have a car," Amber asked even though she could say the same for herself.

"Habit really, I don't even know why we have a car. And I bet you took a cab too even though you drive like one."

"Parking is hell around here…"

"So why did you even ask the original question?"

"What question? I asked no questions, you're the one babbling…" Amber finished innocently and smirked.

Rory who stood there silently now decided to speak, "Glad you worked that out, though can I know his name now at least?"

"Well Rory," Amber began stepping forward

"I knew it was something like that," Daren mumbled quietly.

Amber ignored the comment and continued, "The young man that will be accompanying you this evening has a name. I'll tell you, for quite some time, I thought it to be a girl's name, though it's a name none the less."

"It'd kill you to just a say a name and forget the gimmicks?"

"Very much, though now I've gone through the gimmicks so I'll just tell you. The name's J-"

"The cab driver wouldn't go away even though I paid him so I figured he'll just go away," A generally uninterested man's voice said. Rory didn't even have to look to identify the voice, though. She forced a smile and blamed this on a hallucination. She shouldn't be rude to this complete stranger just because she's a maniac that has hallucinations of ex-boyfriends.

Rory looked up; she met the eyes of her hallucination. By the look of horror on his face he though she was a hallucination as well. One had to speak.

"Jess…?" Rory said meekly hoping more that anything the person would say, 'Who's Jess?'

"Rory," Jess said with more sureness than Rory. He was terrified, though he didn't feel like putting his heart on his sleeve again, especially not with an audience.

She felt the only thing that worse than knowing he's a hallucination, is knowing that he's not.

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**A/N: **Muahahaha! What do you think is going to happen now? Next chapter picks up right where this left off. **So…the usual…blah blah blah…honest reviews please…Did this chapter live up to the last?**


	4. Peanut Butter Thief

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **Read the other note at the end of the story if I didn't bore you out of your mind before you get there. Nothing to really say here, just the usual…

**REVIWERS, YOU ARE ALL THE BEST! **Reviews are the wind beneath my wings, the ink of my pen, the wood in my fireplace, the…you get the picture. That was getting really corny. Anyways, I'm buying you all PIE!

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Amber and Daren looked at each other, trying to see if the other has any clue what's going on. They were one hundred percent unaware of the reunion they brought about. 

Rory wasn't sure what to do. Should she pretend she didn't know him and go on as if this was really a blind date? Or should she turn around and run home? The latter sounded quite appealing though it would be called wimping out. Rory Gilmore a wimp? She felt anger at the idea. Wimp she was not…not really.

She looked to Amber who was staring with confusion at the drama unfolding before her, then to Daren who was waiting for someone to say something, like this was some television show for his entertainment.

"I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here. Do you guys know each other?" Amber asked as she stepped in between the two. She had an idea what the answer was.

Jess looked at Rory with attempted indifference. She showed no sign of answering the question. She looked frustrated, she seemed different.

"We've met," Jess said trying more than anything to not feel pain as he said it, to not let his voice get raspy with the difficulty of choking those words out.

Rory inwardly flinched as he said that, she thought possibly outwardly as well. She guessed that made pretending she didn't know him a washout plan. She then looked at all the expecting faces turned to her. "Oh, um…yes, we've met."

Amber raised an eyebrow and spoke, "As in he was standing in front of you at the grocery store and he accidentally took your jar of peanut butter? Yes, that must be it. That could cause very awkward situations in future meetings."

Rory looked at Amber with eyes that said 'I'll fill you in later.' She was surprised when Amber didn't press; she was usually so forward about these things that she came off as tactless.

Amber instead turned to Daren and hesitantly pulled on his arm steering them away from Rory and Jess. She casually spoke, "Next time suck oranges, not that I don't love lemons."

"Win-win situation…I like them better too," Daren responded and then looked at Jess who was silently standing with his hands in is pockets.

Jess gave a small nod of his head and watched Amber and Daren walk away bantering about fruits and vegetables. He'd never admit it to either of them, though he admired the drama free relationship they had. They were both just in a quirky type of love that held no pain. They had a happy, non-sappy relationship.

Rory slowly stepped forward a few steps. She looked him in the eyes and felt like he was taunting her, she felt emotions she shouldn't be feeling. She decided it was a temporary, quick stroke; it's gone now she'll continue with her non-existent plan. She looked past his eyes and forcefully spoke, "What do you want?"

Jess felt fury that she'd say that like he followed her here though he spoke coolly in spite of it, "I think you're forgetting that I did not chase you through a town square or show up at your dorm this time. These right here are the results of a blind date." Rory is about to speak though she closes her mouth when he opens the door to walk out, or she thinks he's going to walk out. Instead, he holds the door open and speaks, "You don't have to yell no a thousand times, you don't even have to say it once. I don't plan on letting you add this to your tally of times I bailed on you. If you want the out, here it is, not gonna get on my hands and knees to beg you to stay."

Rory gawked at him. She took his words in and now looked straight on into his eyes trying to feel nothing. She expected him to run, she wanted him to run. Rory wanted him to make it easy on them both and run. The essence of his words hit her; he wasn't going to run away from this. Only one angry thought raced through her mind; why the hell won't he?

"Is there something you're trying to prove?" Rory managed to say coldly even though there was so much more in her head that she couldn't vocalize.

"Not at all, in fact I'd think that you of all people would be one to drop a grudge after five years. Though after I put my heart on the line five years ago and you stepped on it without a second thought-" he stopped himself wishing Rory had temporarily gone deaf. By her expression she obviously hadn't. He quickly recovered and got back to his point, "I'm not going to beg you to stay." Jess gestured to the open door and expectantly looked at Rory.

Rory looked at his eyes, but he averted them. She wanted him to plead; she wanted to tell him to go away. Rory felt horrid about it though now that she has the chance to walk out the door with nothing to stop her, it was the absolute last thing she wanted. She convinced herself she was just afraid and moved towards the door.She thennoticed that he was looking away. He hid his eyes from her.

That's when she decided. If he wants to run, he's more than welcome to, it's what he does best. Though, he wasn't going to, so she wasn't going to either. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna find…find Amber and Daren," Rory said firmly though she felt like a complete idiot beneath the strong façade.

Jess looked at her strangely and let the door swing shut. He was utterly confused that she didn't take the out he offered her. The last thing he wanted was her pity, for her to think he's this pathetic guy that will forever pine.

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Rory walked around and scanned the tables, it didn't take that long to find Amber and Daren; they were uninhibited and loud.

She watched as Amber climbed onto the rotating chair and shout, "I would like to propose a toast to my two good friends!" She saw Rory cock an eyebrow which caused her to smirk and continue, "Sam Adams and Bloody Mary are the best people I've never met! They should be makin' holy children!"

Daren concurred and loudly yelled, "Touché!"

Rory shook her head because knew that either of them and alcohol is a bad combination. She then saw four glasses at the table, but only two were empty.

She walked to the table where they were both laughing madly, "You guys are almost completely sober though you really don't act it."

"Hey, it's a lot cheaper this way," Daren commented then looked at Amber who was giving him a dirty look.

"Says the man who forgot his wallet, I would be the one paying," Amber added rolling her eyes.

"Which is why you are acting a lot more drunk I guess?" Daren asked.

"Well you know me; I like to get my money's worth," Amber said shrugging then turning to Rory, "Where's the peanut butter thief?"

Rory had absolutely no idea though she didn't think it would be wise to say that, "I have absolutely no idea." Apparently being wise is highly overrated.

"What's going on anyway? Oh yeah," Amber pointed to the two filled glasses, "Those are for you and-"

"Me?" Jess asked as he casually walked by and sat down on the fourth bright red chair at the table.

"Only if you pay me back, not Tiny Tim here who doesn't have a cent to spare," Amber sarcastically said as she leaned into Daren and poked him in the chest.

Rory looked at Jess who picked up his drink though was yet to look at her. Her thoughts were disrupted by Amber's bright voice that didn't really match what she was saying, "You guys get things worked out about your dark, dark past? No? I didn't think you did. Would it be wrong of me to rule out that murder could have resulted to this?"

Rory turned her head expecting to find Jess intently looking anywhere but her, she found the exact opposite. He was looking straight into her eyes, not wavering once she returned the gesture. She had barley met his eyes for a second when she felt herself crumbling at the intensity of them. Rory sharply turned her head at the first sign of emotion and turned to Amber and Daren who were wearing an expressions that balanced between expectation and indifference, but their eyes made it obvious that they had noticed something. So did the fact that neither of the two, especially Amber, further asked what's going on.

Daren and Amber scanned the floor where people were dancing and the entrance where varieties of people…well, entered. Amber's eyes lit up as she saw two tall, blonde, twin girls enter the club. She tugged on Daren's sleeve and pointed to the twins, "Look, look!" Daren saw them now as well and looked at Amber; a devilish smile played on both their lips.

"Shall we?" Daren asked, adopting a terrible medieval accent.

"Of course," Amber answered in a medieval accent that was equally terrible. Amber eagerly jumped up and snatched the untouched drink that sat in front of Rory before she could protest. Daren grinned at Jess and casually grabbed the drink that he had been holding though was yet to drink. The two walked away, devilish smiles never leaving their faces.

The remaining two sat in silence, staring at their shoes. Rory turned her head to him though he didn't look up. Something needed to be said even though she had no idea what,"Jess-"

She was interrupted by a loud splash and two, soaking wet, blonde twins storming out and rapidly muttering. One of them exited and the other yelled past the crowd, "Childish idiots!" before following.

Loud snickering was heard and Amber and Daren emerged from the crowds of people that were watching them, they were both glowing with satisfaction and had two empty glasses in their hands, devilish smiles replaced with ear-to-ear grins.

Rory stared at two of them; she admired their relationship.

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**A/N:**Love it? Like it? Like it a little? Dislike it? Hate it? Make you puke up your pie? There will be more on the date next time, this was to kind of set the mood, provide the foundation, etc. 

Sorry if this gets repetive to read, (because it gets repetitive to type, ha) but please, please, please (pathetic and repetitive, sorry) review and review honestly.


	5. Nice Thought

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N:** My usual **THANK YOU **to the reviewers! I live by Bakers Square so you can all pick what kind of pie you want! Saintly, Aren't I?

**Disclaimer: **I forgot to put this in the last chapter…that is because I own everything in the last chapter! Characters and all! Muahaha! No, I forgot. I own nothing…always and forever.

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Rory fidgeted nervously in her seat, she didn't really know why. She watched as Amber sat down and started talking animatedly to Daren. Rory's eyes traveled to the chair she was sitting on, then to the chair Jess was sitting on. She noticed the close proximity of their chairs, and then she noticed to the close proximity of her and Jess.

"So," Amber said importantly, "That's when-"

"Daren shriveled up and died from this one-sided conversation," Jess deadpanned and smirked at the glaring Amber. Daren stifled a laugh for his own safety.

"Geez!" Jess yelled as he winced with pain and pressed a hand on his knee. Now it was Amber smirking and Jess with the ominous glare.

Despite Rory's current state of less-than-giddy, she couldn't help but let out a short laugh at the scene taking place before her. She subconsciously smiled and looked at Jess who was muttering under his breath.

Jess looked up and caught her in the act, his eyes softened though he didn't smile. He knew she would just give him a cold glare and look away. Really, why even bother?

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"Don't you even turn your cell of when we're on a date?" Daren asked as Amber took her ringing cell out of her purse and held it up to Daren's face.

"Well, since you asked that after it started ringing, I'm guessing you're kind of thick. Though no worries, I love you anyways."

"Ergh," Daren grunted and put his head in his hands with defeat.

Satisfied with herself, Amber picked up her cell happily, "Hello! Mom? Why are you calling at nine o' clock on a Friday night? Sorry. No. I didn't mean it like that! Possibly…possibly…fine, ya. Okie dokie mom. Uh…sure, I guess." Amber tapped Daren on the head and closed the receiver on the phone with her hand, "Daren, my mommy would like to talk to you. She thinks it's too loud in her so she says to go outside."

"Sure! What's more fun than talking to your mom on a date?" Daren said with fake enthusiasm.

She then turned to Rory and Jess who were sitting silently. "We'll be back soon," Amber corrected herself, "We'll be back."

Rory and Jess nodded and watched as the two of them walked away. They then noticed that they are alone for the second time tonight.

Jess looked at her; he couldn't stand the silence, the awkwardness of it all. "Rory," he said nervously, though hid his vulnerability.

Rory didn't look up, "Jess." The name tasted funny in her mouth. The name tasted of what never was. She felt she should have just stopped there and let him speak, though she didn't. "I…you…how are you?"

He looked at her confused. How was he? There wasn't really a word to describe how he was right now. What would she even want to hear?

_So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good._ _I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye._

Wants can change a lot in six years, though he could only hope they don't, "I'm good…I guess." Jess looked at her eyes which were still fixed on the ground for reaction. Before he noticed anything, he noticed her eyes were like ice. The once clear ocean blue looked frozen over. He though it was more the emotion behind the eyes than that her eyes actually changed color.

"I…I…I'm glad," Rory said as she turned her head a little, though knew better than to meet his eyes; she felt like crying every time she did. She didn't know why…she did kind of actually…but not really…sort of though.

"Okay then. And how are you?" That sounded weird right there and he knew it. It was a question that's asked like a formality to an old friend. Though 'old friend' is not the most accurate term here, nor is the question a formality now.

"What is this, a dinner party…I'm fine though it's not like you have any reason to care." Rory was even surprised herself at how quickly she switched tones.

"So I'm guessing civility is a trait that comes and goes these days?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "Besides, I could have asked said the same thing to you though I didn't, now did I?"

"Whatever," she said with a sigh and now turned her head so her chin rested on her shoulder. "Jess…do you…could…never mind." Rory decided to refrain from what se was going to ask, it didn't matter the least now.

"Okay…awkward isn't it?" he asked now turning to look at her, though he didn't look her in the eyes, not this time.

"You just noticed? Awkward does not even begin to describe this. This, here, could be a soap opera of its own!" Rory hissed angrily.

"Okay." Jess looked down idly.

"When did you become so agreeable? I mean…three 'okays' in about one minute?" She was thoroughly confused at why he would bother to put on this act. It obviously was an act. It had to be.

"Trying to make things easy for you…we haven't seen each other in five years, we're worse than strangers. We're just…" Jess motioned to him then Rory, "this."

"Oh." Rory listened, and then replayed what he just said a couple of times in her head. Technically, she had seen him five days ago…but who really gives a damn about technically. Though, he did look almost identical to how he looks now…but it wasn't real. She came to a consensus with herself in the last statement.

Jess watched her expressions as she had this internal fight with herself. Once she concluded the fight and noticed his bemused expression he spoke, "Either you're reading their minds," he tilted his head to a couple backed up against a wall kissing passionately, "or you went kinda schizo with old age"

"How could you really know what powers or illnesses I could have developed? Five years is a really long time," she said and automatically offered a small smile.

"Yeah, it really is." His mouth curved upward a little at the edges, it was smaller and a bit more tentative than her already small smile, though it was a smile none the less.

They both looked away before the other could and said nothing more to each other.

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"Olay!" Amber shouted as she hopped into the chair she was in twenty minutes previous. A tired looking Daren sat down with no vigor what so ever.

"I just got rooked out of my weekend," Daren said dryly.

"Aww…can't handle a little visit to your folks?" Amber said as she patronizingly patted his shoulder. "Well, as you know our hometown is Manhattan so my mom was all 'Oh, honey! You haven't visited for ages! Neither has Daren actually, his family really misses him. Why don't both of you head over this weekend!' so what am I to say? Neither of us have visited in over a month so I'm like 'Okay. First thing tomorrow, Daren and I will be there.'"

"I'm very spoken for these days," Daren groaned.

Rory and Jess stared blankly trying to absorb the point of this rant. They weren't sure how this even concerned them the least.

As if reading their confusion Daren clarified, "Both of you have your roommate gone till Sunday night."

"Huh," Jess said and turned to Amber, "Don't you think you could have just said that?"

Amber shrugged and simply answered, "Could've though I didn't." She smirked and spoke to Rory now, "Laundry time, huh?"

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"Grumpy-puss and I need to get some stuff from here for a weekend with a family. You guys can take a cab back if you want; we probably won't take more than fifteen minutes though why wait?" Amber said with one hand on the door of the store with Daren behind her.

Rory thought over the idea and decided that's twenty more minutes of her life not wasted waiting. She nodded and Amber and Daren walked inside the store.

"We can take separate cabs if you want," Jess stated and went to flag down a cab.

"I'm guessing this is you giving me an easy time?" Rory asked slightly annoyed that he offered her so many outs even though she really knew she shouldn't be.

"Sure." A cab stopped in front of him two seconds later and he looked at Rory who was staring at him with amazement.

"God…how can you do that so fast?" she asked rhetorically and opened the door of the cab and pushed him in. Rory climbed in after.

"Uh, it's a gift…you first I guess." Jess absentmindedly said, more than slightly confused by her actions.

She spoke to the driver, "Fountainhead Apartments." Rory turned her head when she heard Jess snort as she said that.

"Figures you'd move into an apartment named after one of the most tedious novels ever written," he scoffed and smirked at her.

"You'll never change," she said playfully. "Besides," she started and proceeded to defend what she considered a literary masterpiece.

Much like she had done so many times in the past.

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"This is the place." Rory wasn't sure who she was saying it to. She was even less sure what to say now, should she say goodbye to him? The conclusion was she doesn't have to, she already did, its Jess that hasn't. Unsurely, she attempted to start, "So…"

"I'll walk you up," he spit out quickly and continued, "This is New York, not Stars Hollow. And the fact that you have to go around to get to the entrance doesn't really help…or that's at least what it looks like."

That's not what she expected to hear at all. She nodded. What he said was true, and it was also late so it can't really hurt. She politely asked the cab driver to wait for Jess and the driver obliged with a smile. Her first thought was that the guy was new to the city.

She fell in step with Jess and they silently stood for a second at the entrance of the apartment until Jess spoke only to be cut off, "I guess-"

"Jess." Her tone was urgent even though he wasn't moving.

He was partly grateful she interrupted him…he was kind of clueless as to what to say. He spoke softly; almost afraid she'll not say anything and this will be left to him, "Yeah?"

If this was the last time she ever saw him, there was something she really needed to ask. There was something she really needed to know. If that meant swallowing her pride for two second…then that's what she'll do. "If…if you never left…do you think we would have stayed together…do you think we'd be together…now?"

Right now, he was wishing that the goodbye had just been left to him. He looked at and into her eyes. There wasn't a trace of ice in the wet blue; extremely wet blue. "I…it's a nice thought isn't it?"

Six years ago, there wasn't a nicer thought really. Blinking was all she could do to hold back tears. She wasn't going to cry about the 'what ifs' for the guy that bailed on her twice.

"Goodnight…bye, Rory." It was spoken with the tentativenessof a question.

Nodding was all she could do and it was all she had to do as she saw it as well. She already said goodbye.

Jess turned and walked away and Rory watched him go. Her tears were falling freely and noiselessly hitting the ground. She didn't care one bit; he didn't look back.

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A/N:** Howcan they make it through? I really hope this didn't disappoint…in my opinion it's much better than the crap that was the last chapter. But, if you don't think so, I'm used to my opinion not counting. 

**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!**


	6. One Onion

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **Sorry if this chapter turns out to be a little hard on the eyes. Lots of rants that just clump together.

**Reviewers: I'm out of cute little bits so just know I appreciate your reviews very, very much…really.**

**Disclaimer: **If I was to say I own everything, can you seriously tell me someone will sue me? Anyways, I don't.

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"Announce yourself!" a partly groggy Lorelai commanded through the phone.

"Mom…" Rory said tearfully. She wasn't sobbing though somehow a small sob escaped her throat when she said that. She gave herself away.

Lorelai previous grogginess was completely forgotten and immediately her tone became clear and soft, "Oh, honey…what happened? Oh my god…you're date was tonight? The guy was a jackass wasn't he? I swear I will-"

"Mom." She firmly spoke to stop her mother from jumping to any further conclusions. The truth was hard to say…after thinking it in her head she didn't really believe it herself. Though it had to be said, "Jess."

A mix of confusion and shock filled the other end of the line. Lorelai couldn't help but wonder what he had to do with this. "Whoa…what does he have to do with-" she sighed at her own idiocy and hated that she hadn't connected the dots sooner. Though, more, than anything she wished that she was wrong. "I…um…do you mean that...he was...?"

Rory nodded then remembered Lorelai can't see her. The silence was taken as a yes anyway so it didn't really matter.

"So…you stuck it through I guess?" The fact that she was calling at eleven thirty in the night partially answered the question thought the dead air needed to be filled.

That wasn't what she really expected to hear at all. Though, she was very grateful that it wasn't necessary for her to explain it all. "Yes, I did. He…um…he said I can go but…but I didn't," Rory unsurely said and awaited her mother's response.

Lorelai, for once, was at a loss of words. What was she supposed to say? Should she question, comfort, rant…? "Oh, wow."

"Yeah wow. I mean in this huge city and of all the people…it's…just…just not fair." Her voice was raspy and cracking at the unsuccessful attempt to hold in the sobs.

Lorelai had too much curiosity in here to not start questioning, "How did it go? What…what was it like? How did you treat each other? Was it weird? Oh my god, it would've been like beyond weird! Was he a jerk?"

A small chuckle escaped Rory's throat as the panic of her mother. Though, the actually questions did nothing but make the tears more intense. "It was awkward beyond reason, but…" She didn't know how to explain it. She regretted calling in first place, she just wanted the comfort of her mom; she couldn't speak without sobs breaking her words and tears fogging her eyes. "He wasn't a jerk. Tonight, if anyone was a jerk it was me. But I had every right to, didn't I?" With each word her sobbing got noticeably stronger and her blouse was soaked through.

"Rory, honey, you are completely right. Though, you have to remember that it's been a really long time since…" She wasn't sure since what. She wondered if her daughter was counting from the first time he left or from the time he told Rory he loved her…then left.

"It's been a long time since he showed up at Yale with that self-centered proposal? Is that what you were planning on saying? Time's passed so all is forgotten! Oh yeah, because you are Ms. Forgive and Forget!" Rory snarled, her voice dripping with a cruel sarcasm that momentarily masked her sadness. The key word really was 'momentarily'. The second she finished her rant she wanted to take every single word of it back.

That's when she realized her huge mistake. The sobbing was now stifled due to panic. She'll eat her words in a matter of seconds once Lorelai digests what was said. Maybe if she starts furiously apologizing about the second part really quick she'll totally forget about the second part…"Mom, I'm so sorry, I didn't-

"Proposal?" Lorelai asked with a timid tone to her voice hoping she heard wrong

"Don't worry…and I did the right thing. It was so long ago too, five years really. So it was nothing, it's not what you're thinking at all." Rory raced through her words, not allowing interruptions.

"Enlighten me, please," her voice growing mildly louder with impatience as well as anger about why she wasn't informed of this 'proposal'

Rory let out a sigh of confusion and defeat and retold the tale of Jess showing up out of the blue at her dorm. She started with the unanswered question that cued the doors swinging open. At the mention of Dean she heard her mother about to start questioning her on what he was doing there though sullenly reminded her that's a story of it's own to which she knows the end. There were no more interruptions, just the sound of intent listening.

"And then he said, 'You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can.' Can you believe it? It was insane! All I could think to say was 'No!' though he still didn't leave! Then he goes on about something saying things like, 'Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do.' He's talking like a mile a minute and had an expression I couldn't really place. I said 'No' like five times though he couldn't take a hint! It was like he flinched each time I said it though…though…he didn't give up. 'Don't say 'no' just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say 'no' if you really don't want to be with me,' was the last thing he said before I yelled 'No!' and he finally left…me. I sent him away…for…what I though would be pretty close to forever."

She was tearful the whole time she told the tale though she was too into the memory to care. The realization of it all sunk in. She watched the memory as an outsider seeing it happen. She told it with each shallow emotion of what she felt as it was happening. As she watched this memory, she felt disgust…at herself. Though she couldn't go and it's not like she had reason to believe him! _Though you didn't have to kick a guy while he's down and become an adulteress the next day. _What was that? Oh yeah, that was what a more ethical Rory Gilmore would say. It's funny how much desperation and age can change people…actually in her case, it's really not.

"Rory…" Lorelai said with a miserable tone like she had just been beaten with a bat.

"Mom, I know, it was horrible though-" She wiped away some tears to make room for new ones.

"What's horrible is that…you still remember it…from five years ago," Lorelai slowly spoke in the hopes that her daughter would understand what she was saying.

"What? It was a horrible memory; it's not easy to forget you know…" Rory explained not really understanding what she should be explaining.

"See, that was five years ago. As in five years…get it? You told me this like…like it happened yesterday. I mean you didn't just tell me his last parting words; you just gave me a play-by-play of a rather lengthy memory. And sweetie, you were crying the whole time," Lorelai said sure that Rory got it though probably will take a few seconds to sink in.

"I…no…no, no, no, no-" she was now talking more to herself.

"I think I'm getting a vague idea of how Jess felt," she quipped trying to lighten the serious mood. "I expect anyone would remember something like that. But…you told me wordfor word what he said. It seems kind of like…you don't want to forget a single piece of it."

Truth be told, she wanted to never forget the memory of his eyes, his voice…him. She didn't want to officially make him someone of her past. "Of course I do, I hate…hate…hate everything he did to me."

"I'm going to give you two opinions and I know which one you'll like more. As a mom, I'm telling you that you did the right, sensible thing," Lorelai said solemnly.

"Exactly!" Rory said with relief that her mom agrees with her. "I did-"

"Though as a friend or third person, I'm telling you that there was a really sweet though behind what he asked you to do," she said in an even tone despite her motherly opinion taking over. She, herself, did not see it that way. Then again, it's her job not to.

"What? I can't believe you! After everything he did? You don't even like him! Since when do you defend him about…anything?" Rory wanted her mom to back her up one hundred percent on what she did. She vocalized what she was earlier thinking, "Besides, I couldn't go with him! Even on the occasion that I wanted to! And how am I supposed to believe him?"

"You're right, though you didn't have to kick a guy while he's down and become an adulteress the next day," Lorelai said calmly. She was glad that Rory had common sense; she was glad that Rory knew that she can't leave everything behind for…some guy. Age can mature people, though who's to know how much a little punk can mature…and she remembered that she did find a self-help book that time five years ago. Though, her bigger concern was that this whole thing sounded very an 'eye for an eye.'

The words stung Rory more than her mother knew…or more than she thought her mother knew.

"Rory, this is a thing of the past. It doesn't matter. I love you so much and I don't want you to hurt about something that's been over for five years. Though, now I see how this might have added a whole new level of awkward to your 'blind date'," Lorelai said to bring them back to the present.

Rory touched her face; it was soaked though there were no fresh tears in her eyes. She was scared that the reality of present may change that. "He said and I quote 'bye, Rory'."

The initial reaction of Lorelai was to say it's great that now she finally got a goodbye. When she heard a soft sniffling of her daughter she realized that Rory was seeing a different side to this. "Rory, I'm sorry, though I guess now you know it's really goodbye. I mean now, he's just…another guy…another ex."

"No he's not! He…is…not!" Rory covered her mouth and found her knees shaking wildly. After everything, why would she defend him? He's just another guy. She won't pine for him. She's over him…all feelings gone…yeah…right.

"You're defending him?" Lorelai asked thoroughly taken aback by the little outburst. A few second ago she was being yelled at for even trying to put two sides to Jess's actions and not think one-sided about everything, now she's being yelled at for simply trying to shed some light to how good it can be that she has a closure type thingy now. Maybe it was one of those, 'don't talk about my mama, only I can!' things.

"No…I mean yes…though I totally shouldn't be…but I am…was," Rory babbled mindlessly. She could feel the skepticism of her mother and could practically see her cocking an eyebrow…Rory needed to say it, "You know what, you are right. Jess Mariano is just…just…just another guy…another ex-boyfriend…ex, former, no longer." She had never said it like that before…it felt…rong; a blend of right and wrong…that had the exact same pronunciation as wrong.

"That's-" Lorelai was interrupted by a shrill scream. "Sorry babe, Peter had another nightmare; I have to take care of this because granny-pants Luke is asleep and wouldn't wake up if I told him Armageddon is here. Take care of yourself, I mean really take care of yourself."

"I love you, mom," Rory said in hopes Lorelai would forget how mean she was when Rory was the one that went crawling to her in tears.

"I love you too, Rory," Lorelai said with a smile and turned to a little boy frantically running down the stairs. "Bye kid."

Rory hung up the phone and sighed. She put her face in her hands and brushed away the last remains of tears in her eyes that were precariously hanging there. This resulted in her mascara and eyeliner smudging messily through her face giving her a look like she hadn't slept for years. Her hair was unkempt to say the least, she looked like the living dead really. She didn't care, it seemed like she had no one to impress anymore…not even herself. She could be wearing hundred dollar makeup and have perfectly styled hair, but right now she'd just scowl at herself. Though she didn't scowl really, she didn't know how. She just gave a withering stare that made New Yorkers shake in their boots. New Yorker…she forgot that she was one…funny…kind of.

It's almost like she went in a big circle, though she hasn't come back to where she's started yet. She probably will though, that's how all the movies are. Though her life wasn't a movie…where did this comparison even start?

Well in all the movies there's an ex that happens to be your blind date when you are setup by…who's she kidding, the day she sees a movie like that she'll cry for the leads even if it means peeling onions. Actually, she won't if it means peeling onions. They are all tough on the outside and by the time you see the actual onion they make you cry. She subconsciously put sentimental attachment to onions just then…she truly hated onions now. Except one onion…

_Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do. _

No…one had ever said something like that to her. Once she got past the scariness of what he said, she felt her heart melt at the honesty of it. Too bad it took her five years to see past the initial reaction and she couldn't even do it without the sagely opinions of her mother most likely. He thinks…thought…that they were meant for each other.

That was a long time ago. Could he really come up to her now, seven years after they met, and say the same thing? Probably not…to some extent at least…he's probably moved on. But what they had not too long ago at all was in some terms a date. It was forced on them though, it didn't count.

She was actually surprised she hadn't run into him sooner in some situation or another when their roommates are dating. Well she did…tonight. Tonight…still was something that didn't seem real. He couldn't have said 'bye'…he never does, that's just proof she's imagining it. Maybe if she imagines real hard before she goes to sleep, she'll get one last chance to see him…in her head, one last time…she would make it happier…though it wouldn't be real. She knew a just plain idiotic idea when she thought one, and that definitely was.

_I love you._

_I love you too, Jess!_

That never happened! It wasn't real…

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A/N: I intended to put a lot more in this chapter though as you see I didn't. I just kept typing and typing and it got longer and longer so before I was just plain out babbling I decided to stop. What did you like? What did you skip over? Tell it like it is.**

Review with honesty. Advise with honesty. Criticize with honesty. The basic theme here is honesty. And review, even though I didn't say it five times. So **REVIEW HONESTLY. **


	7. Come Back

**The Mess We Became**

**A/N: **I would respond to every single one of you awesome reviewers though you left me speechless. I can not put my gratitude into words. Cheesy, huh?

**YOU REVIEWRS ARE SO FABULOUSLY AWESOME! **

This chapter goes from kind of light, to mildly heavy though I tried not to mix the moods. I hope you like it. :D

**Disclaimer: **Have I not done this before?

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How long had she been sitting there? And shouldn't Amber be home by now?

The clock by the kitchen read midnight so it must be midnight. So according to the clock she wasted half an hour of her life sitting on her couch and you can't argue with a clock now can you? You can only kill them. But Amber paid for this clock so she couldn't even do that.

Amber; she should've been back by now. Daren would have walked her back so she wasn't alone.

Rory's concerns vanished when she heard a soft snoring outside her door. She sighed and saw a sleeping Amber crunched against the door narrow door frame.

She dragged her roommate in by the arms and shut the door behind them.

"I'm sorry," she muttered as she opened her eyes and studied her surroundings to make sure she wasn't dragged of by some crazy bum.

"What?" Rory asked quietly; quietly because she knows how unpleasant it is to wake up to a loud voice. Though she wasn't sure why Amber was sleeping in the hallway in the first place.

"We finished shopping kind of early and there was no traffic so. I shouldn't have listened…I should have just left for a while. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to just come in and ruin your talk with your mom. And I heard you crying and…I am so, so, so sorry," Amber said swiftly with a very remorseful undertone.

"Oh." She wasn't sure what to say. How much could she know from hearing one side of a conversation? Most of words were muffled by sobs though that alone might have given something away and did retell the whole story of Jess at her dorm. She didn't want this to be something that Amber knew about. Though it's a lot better than hiding it and telling Amber that Jess was some old boyfriend she barely even remembered from high school. "It's okay," is what she said and she really meant it. Having someone that knows a little or knows everything with her right now made her feel not so alone.

Amber miserably shook her head. "This is entirely my fault, you should hit me over the head with a club or…drag me into an alley and just see what awaits me…or-"

"Make you eat cabbage?" Rory said with a semi-playful tone and cracked a small smile just to show that she didn't want Amber to beat herself up over this. "Come," Rory said and walked to her room and kneeled by her bookcase. She pulled out a couple of select novels from a more hidden spot in the shelf and tossed them onto the bed.

Her friend looked at the novels and knitted her eyebrows together in thought, "I'll just eat the cabbage. It's a hell of a lot quicker." She quipped as a sign of recovery from her guilt.

Rory rifled through the pages of the book she had threw on top and opened it to the first defiled page. She gave Amber a sullen look and gave the open book to her.

She gave Rory a questioning look and flipped through a couple of more pages. Rory looked at her for reaction, realization, anything.

"Rough estimate of how long you've had these?" She asked Rory as she read a few notes with genuine intrigue.

Genuinely unaware to what Amber was referring to she spoke, "Oh I think I got _The Dharma Bums _when I was about twelve and I'm not sure about-"

Amber let out a dry laugh at the situation and pointed to the notes which were what Rory was trying to show her in the first place.

"Oh right. Sorry. Um…about six to seven years." That was about right. He made notes up until the day of the party which led to his leaving.

A mixture of bemusement and sorrow showed on Amber's face as she looked at the copy of _In Cold Blood_ that's cover was worn and almost torn straight of. "And you never replaced a single one, did you?"

"Well, you know how expensive some books can be," Rory explained unconvincingly even though it was part of the truth. If she sold the books to get money for replacements she knew she wouldn't get more than a dollar per book because of their condition and the writing which could be considered 'vandalism' would bring the value down to close to nothing. Personally, she thought the writing makes the book priceless…

"Though, you're in no hurry to replace this obviously. I mean you wouldn't want to waste time replacing this when you have all that time you spend reviewing books and getting paid with money which you blow on more books. Wait…is that irony? Why by golly gee, I think it just might be!" Amber said brightly with a grin.

"Is this what I get for forgiving you?" Rory asked annoyed at her roommate for making light of this situation.

"Sorry. My conscious is about the size of a peanut," she said putting on an apologetic face. "Are you okay?"

Her face was tired and tear-stained. Rory rolled her eyes and buried her face into her pillow. "Ugh…my eyes are burning. I really just need to sleep…"

"Nightie-night then…so I'll probably be gone by the time you wake up so see you probably Monday morning or night, either way it doesn't matter. I got the day off. Call anytime, preferably between the waking hours. Um…take care of yourself," Amber rambled with a soft smile.

Rory lifted her head a little and forced a smile of appreciation that turned genuine when she saw the concerned look on Amber's. She slowly nodded and plopped her head back down when Amber left and closed the door of her room.

First, she must sleep. Then, she will…wake up and go for a walk. Finally, she will forget all that happened. No, that's in the imaginary land in her head. Though, she still thought sleep would be best.

She silently revised the plan in her head. Sleep; good, walk; sure, forget; not much chance of that. Then again…

_What is much? _

"The same chance as winning the lottery and being struck by lightning at the same time, in my case," she quietly muttered to the voice of a memory that stuck like molasses in her head.

**MVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM**

"Something did. Come on, tell me."

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, she felt warm at the soft caress of his lips against hers.

"You aren't tired of me, are you?" Once again, he kissed her and ridded any doubt she might have had the least. It made it alright, better than alright. "That's a pretty good answer."

Another kiss came soon after but this time there was nothing more she had to add. For some reason she was living this kiss like it was the last, taking in every move, touch, emotion.

Before she knew it she was gently pulled onto his lap, he was handling her like she was made up of glass. Her heart was racing, but it was suddenly replaced with loneliness.

"Jess?" she asked skeptically. Rory was sitting on the bed of Kyle's parents but there was no Jess to be seen. All trace he had been here were gone. Not even he could disappear that fast. Why did he leave? "Jess?" Her worry was rapidly increasing.

She walked to the middle of the room expecting him to appear just as he had disappeared. "Where are you? Come back. Jess, come back…"

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"Come back Jess," she whispered near tears.

Rory observed her surroundings. It was her room with her bed on which she now sat bolt upright in; alone.

Hands that were clutching the sheets of her bed quickly traveled to her lips. They felt empty, like something was missing. That's because something was missing.

Part of her said 'get over it' and part of her said 'go see him.' Though in all reality, the part of her that said 'you don't even know where he lives' ruled out the latter. And chances of running into him 'randomly' are slim to none.

_So, what have you been doing?_

_Nothin' much. Just hanging out…in the park, mostly._

_Central Park?_

_Washington Square Park. _

Without a second thought she grabbed her coat and ran out of her room. She took a quick glance at the clock that read eleven-something before rushing down the stairwell. Sun shone through the white frames of the windows so she guessed it was A.M. She shouldn't have needed the sun to clarify that unless she thought she had been asleep for almost twenty-four hours.

The breeze and mild New York stench hit her forcefully as she jogged through the streets to a subway.

She was sure he would be there and she really didn't think she was ready for it if he was. No, there is no if, Jess will be there. She'll wait if she had to, but Jess will be there and she won't be ready when she finds him.

**MVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM**

"Hey," she said with a shy tone as she faced the bench. She put on a hopeful smile, a half shy smile, as if he was going to turn around…any second now. He'll turn around and it will be just like before. Something about that thoroughly confused her; before what? Maybe before everything turned to crap, that would fall under everything before the party. Yes, Kyle's party was referred to as 'the party' for more reasons than one.

Expectancy rose in her stomach, her eyes were stinging. Her what-would-be smile vanished instantly and she slowly walked to the empty bench. The wood of the bench was cold beneath her. The loneliness made it freezing despite the sun's bright and intense rays. Somehow she knew she could wait days, and it wouldn't matter the least.

It looked like time had stood still in this spot, waiting for her come here and make a fool of herself thinking there will be someone here absorbed in _The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test _just like seven years ago. What she never understood was the effects of time. She never fully grasped that time doesn't only pass for her, that she is not the only person in the world that will change over time. Though, it's not like she was the only one who can't quite get that.

Her eyes widened at the very simple change that had occurred. Somehow, it made all the difference. There was now a trashcan a few feet away from the series of benches. She got up from the bench and looked at it and saw her reflection gleaming through. At first she looked at it quizzically, but her expression immediately became one of shame.

What was wrong with her? She looked ruined and pained, but she had no reason to be either. She looked every bit as lost as she felt. Nothing even a little tragic happened that she should look so fallen apart. A run-in with an ex-boyfriend should be nothing more than a 'so what?' kind of situation. This was not her the least.

Maybe this was just her version of having a hangover. That would be more logical if she had anything to drink. If she was under the influence of alcohol she'd feel a hell of a lot better. Then, she could just laugh of her terrible reaction to alcohol, possibly a nice little anecdote for the future.

Unfortunately, she didn't get drunk last night so here she was, waiting for nothing. This was just one more thing to add to the list of shenanigans she performed out of impulse. Had she thought it out what so ever, and not just run through the streets of New York because of another farfetched dream, she would have known she could have just called Amber and asked for his address. And if Amber had forgot she could have just handed the phone to Daren, assuming that he at least knows where he, himself, lives.

"Bye Je-," she started quietly and cut herself off. "Bye," she whispered sharply to the empty bench and turned before the word even completely left her mouth. She had already made an idiot of herself in plain view. It's a good thing nobody in New York bothered to look.

Rory walked away silently. She felt insane and possessed to have been talking to a bench. He wasn't dead; he was just gone from her life.

And the tears started…again.

**MVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM**

On the other side of the street stood Jess Mariano watching her with pain, wanting to make it better. Not knowing that all that was really needed was his presence.

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**A/N: **If you're reading this I figure you read the chapter so why don't you just…I dunno…**REVIEW? Pretty please? **Ha, I'm pathetic.

The dream is meant to be read into, think symbolization.

If my updates start becoming a little slower it's just because things are getting kind of hectic with school. Though, the gaps shouldn't be that big at all, this is just a warning in case it does. I am not giving up. :)


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